Thursday, February 02, 2012

“Amore”

This particular article reveals my history and thoughts on love.

When I was in high school, an autograph once told me that “love is a feeling you feel when you feel that you are feeling a feeling that you haven’t felt before”. Whatever that feeling was, I’m sure it wasn’t love. It might as well be migraine. Back then, love, for me, was vague and based on tangible objects such as flowers, stuffed toys and chocolates. It’s as if every girl wants to receive at least one if not all of those items and more especially on Valentine’s Day. It’s as if each boy is required to do so. Recalling those days makes me giggle at the thought of us all dressed in our best damn suits, rushing to the nearest flowershop to select the best bouquet and handing it over to a girl who most probably expected it anyways. (That’s the rationale behind the requirement concept. Not giving her flowers on Valentine’s Day would most probably mean two weeks of silence). But hey, that’s just my idea. Truth is, I never had a girlfriend in high school. I was busy mastering the art of COUNTER-STRIKE.

Fast forward to College. It was great! I fell in love... with the books at the library. Yep, I spent most of my school days reading, writing, eating ribusaw, riding the noisiest jeepneys, playing the bass guitar and reading. However, It would be too sarcastic for me deny liking a girl. But fate (and perhaps determination) didn’t go by my side. Maybe it was a good thing after all. I ranked no. 1 in my department when I graduated. Reflecting on those past memories somehow makes me feel envious and relieved at the same time. Why? I envied my classmates who have boyfriends/girlfriends. But I felt relieved because I knew that if I had a girlfriend back then, I’d probably have an early/unplanned marriage which would make me miserable. But hey, that’s just my idea.

Note: Maybe this isn’t a good time to update my blog. Ideas are running in my head; and once again I find my typing skills running after the words that I am trying to formulate. But, let’s continue.

2006, 2009. Law School. From my very first entry of the dreaded law school, I drove myself away from social interactions. I’d spent more than eight daylight hours in my room reading the thickest books. But sadly, fate tested me again. I quit law school because I really thought I was in love. I sacrificed my studies for the sake of this half-Japanese girl who had been playing with me all along. Yes, it did hurt! But hey, nobody’s exempted from having a broken heart. Right? Amen!

Present. Right now, I look at love differently (and perhaps in a mature manner, I think). Personal experience has taught me that love fades, love is blind, love can be replaced, love is deceitful, and love can turn to hate. On the brighter side, my own definition of love comes from the Bible. I am most specifically pointing to that verse which says LOVE IS PATIENT.

It takes a lot of guts to show love. But it takes more guts to show patience. Right now, I’m exercising my patience. I’m assigning God as the President of this particular department of my life. As of the moment, there’s somebody close to my heart. She’s so close yet so far. But it doesn’t bother me much anymore. See, I have learned that love doesn’t need physical contact in order to be ignited. I am contented with the fact that I love her (although she doesn’t feel the same for me). I’m happy because I was able to be with her. Not only was I in love with her, I also fell in love with her family. The days I spent with her family (even when she was away) were amazing. True, not all of those moments were filled with happy memories. But still I am thankful. I am truly thankful. 

I guess love isn’t so hard to define at all. In fact, no words can truly describe love – actions do. And although we have up and down moments, despite our disputes and occasional verbal fights, I am happy because I am learning to love her more than I did before. I could have retreated. I could have stopped chasing her. I could have chased another girl. After all, there are many bats in a cave. But I didn’t.

Dear readers, you are free to refer to me as a martyr, a fool, an addict. I won’t be offended at all. The truth is, I am in love.